Memo's Mind

Who comes up with this shit?

2007-06-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

There is something in my office whose slogan is:

"The finest swallow in town!"

Can you guess what it is??

You've been home longer than usual Mom!

2007-06-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

I hate when I hit the snooze button in the morning...and actually end up turning off my clock. That could explain my being an hour and a half late to work this morning. Thank goodness my boss loves me. This, however, is what I woke up to. Made my day!

2007-06-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. If you aren't used to it by now, I don't think you really know me at all!

Big news: I'm pregnant. Very happily pregnant! Super excited! It's a boy. A boy we have nicknamed Jimmy John at this point. We have actually picked a name...but we were going to try to keep it secret until he was born. That, and, I don't like it and plan on fighting it when JR returns from deployment. Oh yeah, he's deployed and due back about 3 weeks before we are due. Thanks W! Here's his ship...if you squint and have Xray vision...you can spot him in his scivvies playing XBox and eating obscene amounts of Slim Jims.

I have no intention of turning this blog into Baby Alert 2007. I will comment and tell funny stories now and then...but no "post after boring post" about the trials and tribulations of procreating. On a funny note, however, thanks to all my shithead girls out there who gave me no warnings about sneezing and wetting ones pants. This shout out is for you....beeotches! Maybe that's what happened to Fergie?

Other than being pregnant, and loving every minute of it, not too much else going on. One of my co-workers was fired for sexual harassment...

I had some stranger run through my backyard at sunset...

And, found out that Vermont is trying to secede from the US.

Pretty uneventful if you ask me. More to come later....happy to be back!!

Don't Say Mole...I Said Mole!

2007-01-17T20:05:00.000-08:00

Moles. Who really wants to discuss them? Look at them? Unlike Cindy Crawford, not everyones are as fashionable and iconic. I've had a mole, for as long as I can remember, on my upper lip. It's small and doesn't really stand out. I have never really contemplated waxing my lip because I have blond hair and am afraid of pain. However, yesterday I was in my car on the way to a meeting and I felt something odd on my upper lip. A course, long hair. When I got to my meeting place, I pulled down my visor mirror and couldn't believe what I was seeing. A lone, rogue black hair.

When the hell did that appear? It had to have been overnight since I know I would have noticed something like that. I was at a loss. Only 90 year old women develop such an unsightly growth. And this one was taunting me. As I breathed out of my nose, I could feel it move. When I was talking on the phone, I could feel it flopping around. Every time I looked down to check my speed, the hair would turn and stare back at me as if it was pondering its' sudden existence on my face.

As you know, I carry an emergency kit in my car for the events that I plan (see "Fat Gods" post). I couldn't find the tweezers, however, I did find a small pair of scissors and thought I would be able to fix it all before running in to talk to my professional peers. I grabbed the scissors, got back in my car and just as I was getting ready to lift them to my lip...

Knock. Knock. Knock. Wrapping on my drivers side window. I looked up and noticed one of my fellow professionals standing next to my car. I didn't want to call attention to my lip...so I opened the door and pretended that I had a string on my sweater that I was trying to get rid of. Problem, I couldn't find a string...so I actually pulled a small piece of my sweater and cut it...producing a small hole that will inevitably develop into a larger hole, most likely in front of a group of strangers, at a later date.

Long story short, I ended up having to put the scissors away and walk up to my meeting place with this bonehead...and spent the rest of the meeting acting like I was thinking really hard by covering my upper lip constantly with my hand.

And the status of the hair you ask? I came home from my meeting, went straight to the bathroom and plucked like a mad woman! Mark my words, I will wax the next time this happens - and yell "Kelly Clarkson" as she pulls the strip!

The Fat gods are Laughing at me...

2007-01-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

I realize that I am overweight. When I walk up stairs, I am winded. When I shop for new clothes, my 18/20 tag is like a neon sign for everyone else in the store. When I shop for bras and panties, I buy the steel/titanium reinforced bras in standard big tit white (I never get to buy something cute and matching in pink, or purple, or green...you get the picture). And my stories about the food that I have put away! Bags of chips, boxes of crackers and cartons of cookies.

About 2 weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers. This angered the fat gods for the fat gods love fat people. And so, I had my first run in with the fat gods today and I think I lost miserably. I bought a new pair of pants at Target the other day. Now, I just admitted that I am a big girl so why would I lie about the size? However, I genuinely think they were sized incorrectly. They said size 18 but they fit like a 12 or 14 (Super tight...my fault since I never tried them on). However, I wore them with a cute sweater this morning and I figured that sitting in them on my to work would stretch them out a bit.

My office belongs to a couple of industry associations and we had a luncheon today that our entire office attended. As I was getting out of my car I heard a weird popping noise, like the sound of a zipper coming undone. I looked down and realized that it was not my zipper itself ripping, but the pants sewn onto the zipper. Holy crap...my pants were splitting at the front and I couldn't get them to stop. The entire seam ripped. I am about to walk into a room of 100 clients and fellow vendors and I have a giant gaping hole in my pants with my pink flower chonies just 'a shinin' through.

Quick on my feet. Quick on my feet. I coordinate weddings for the love of god...I can fix my pants. Thankfully, I have an emerency kit in my car for the events that I plan. I grabbed a hand full of safety pins and made a bee line for the bathroom. After a few pin pricks and some choice language, I was able to shore up my pantaloons and head out to my luncheon with a new found confidence. Little did I know that about 5 minutes after sitting down to listen to the speaker that one of the pins would come unhooked and poke me in the gut.

At the end of the day, I couldn't wait to get home so that I could change into my comfy jeans and a long sleeve comfy shirt...all of which fit me just fine. The pants, they are sitting in my bathroom trash can. I am sure that they could be fixed...but I could never trust a pair of pants that left me hangin!

Fat Guy in a Little Coat

2007-01-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

I did it. I took the big plunge. I joined Weight Watchers. (I hope you're not mad at me Kirstie - I still love you!) So far, so good. Of course, it's only been two days but it is not bad at all. It's not a "resolution". I had a very eye opening conversation with a friend of mine a few weeks ago and realized that I really need to get this weight thing under control. So wish me luck...and keep the cow and whale comments to a minimum!

2007 - Here We Come!

2007-01-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Well Played Oh Wealthy Ones!

2006-12-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

I love the weather in San Diego...as do the five bazillion tourists who visit my fine city annually. In my travails today, I tripped across something that I had never taken notice of beofre. People who have lots of money, or want you to think they have lots of money, kind of dress like shit. It looked like they were all trying to hide the fact that they are loaded by dressing like hobos. Problem: Staying at The Del and arriving in a Mercedes blows your cover oh master of the masquerade!

I helped a friend of mine today coordinate a wedding at what is probably San Diego's most well known, and swankiest, hotels. It is expensive to stay there, historic and cool looking and just in my few hours there I saw Bentleys, Benzes, Beamers, Porsches, Hummers and countless chauffered town cars and limos. Not too shabby.

So explain to me this, why was everyone dressed like a bunch of assholes? When did leg warmers come back into style? How about gold lame fabrics that just look like gold foil? Did I miss the memo that stated rolling out of bed and not brushing your hair was chic? What the hell is the attraction with stirrup pants? 4 size too large sweaters? Dresses worn with pants? Fake CZ jewelry from HSN or QVC trying to pass for the real deal? Tight ass fitted jeans? I could go on and on...

I read Cosmo and Readers Digest...I know what looks good. I may not emulate it...but I self parked my 2003 Saturn today and I wore my favorite Target shoes with a pair of Kohls pants. This was a deplorable array of fashion that was forced upon my retinas and I am truly disgusted. I think maybe in 2007, I will start lobbying for a fashion policing organization that forces the wealthy to stop shopping at trendy little boutiques where the employees are paid on commission and insist everything you try on looks "absolutely hot on you" and instead force Nordstroms, Nine West and Ann Taylor down their throats until they cry out for mercy and promise to burn all of their over priced, made to look like trailer trash without the smell of trailer trash, grungy duds. Who's with me?

Things to not say when your in-laws are in town...

2006-12-28T11:39:00.000-08:00

Let me set the scene for you...

My sister-in-laws (hereon referred to as SIL) birthday was December 21st. My husbands parents came into town for the holiday and we all decided to go to a fun seafood place here in San Diego. In celebration of said birthday, I bought 3 rounds of Scooby Snacks for my SIL, Sarah (sister) and myself. Tasty little treats!

So, the fam eats a fine meal and begins to depart towards the front door. Oddly enough, I was feeling a nice little buzz going and found the crocodile head sticking out of the wall by the front door entertaining (his mouth was holding mint candies I might add). His head reminded me of Peter Pan (you know the story...the crocodile who got Hooks hand).

Insert gratuitous Peter Pan photo here:

Oh dear Mother of Mary and all that is right and holy....

Back on topic! I had just finished telling Sarah that in mid-conversation with my FIL (you figure that one out), I had almost said the word "cock". Don't ask me what the conversation was cause I have been wracking my brain all morning and can't remember.

Me: "Sarah, I almost said cock." Giggle giggle.

Sarah: "Don't say cock."

Within the instant that these words were spoken from her mouth, I turned and saw my MIL reaching into the crocodile mouth to get a piece of candy. Without being able to stop myself I yelled:

"Tick Cock"

If you know the story of Peter Pan, you know that the crocodile had sounded like a clock anytime he came near. How clever was I to blurt out something so hilar...All time stood still and a moment of clarity overcame my right mind. For that one instance, I wondered if anyone had heard me. Then I looked at Sarah and knew instantly that I had been heard as if I was the only voice in the entire County of San Diego as the people awaited in anticipation my grand announcement of free Carne Asade Nachos for all!

Oh if I could have just gotten Happy Gilmore stuck in my head instead of Peter Pan...this could have all been avoided.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

Or as I would like to now call it...Travesty 2006!

Every year I worry about the fact that there are not enough gifts under the tree for my sister. And every year my sister is as happy as can be about the gifts she gets. While she is not all wrapped up in the quantity thing...I am superficial and very worried about it.

For Christmas 2006, I got her a Calder calendar, tickets to "The Color Purple" in Chicago and a set of monkey sheets. And one kick ass stocking full of goodies!

In detail, here is why Sarah did nor did not get all of the things on this list:

The Calder Calendar: Ordered 12/5/06 from Calendars.com (they are now dead to me) and as of 12/23/06...still not arrived. They will be getting another phone call on Tuesday! So, instead Sarah got my annual USAA boat calendar that my insurance company sends with an IOU on it.

Monkey Sheets: So, my husband and I found some really cute monkey sheets at Target and decided to purchase them for one Sarahbooboo...over a month ago. Upon wrapping them last night I discovered, they are the wrong size and not monkeys! What the hell??? She got clouds instead and faked happiness over them so I appreciated that.

Tickets: So, I decided to print the tickets off last night while wrapping Sarah's other pitiful gifts (see Calendar and Sheets above). I ordered them through Ticketmaster and had them e-mailed to me. Wouldn't you know it...our internet went out last night. After a few moments of panic and tears, JR figured out a way to get my tickets without me having to call my dad at midnight and have him print them. Wouldn't that have been a fun phone call since he swears "I live my life on E!"

Because I felt like Christmas for Sarah had fallen apart, JR turned her a pencil and pen set at 12:30 this morning and I made her a wedding planner. Just to top it all off, I gave her a set of chopsticks for her hair...chopsticks I bought in San Fran 2 months ago for my hair! HA!

Let's just say that she had better bring an extra suitcase to San Diego next year...cause I'm filling that bitch up!

Merry Christmas!

TG's Diet

2006-12-23T18:03:00.000-08:00

Brainstorm! For your reading pleasure, I have decided to start a running list of all of the things that TG has eaten. I started a sidebar and I will continue to add little notes as she demolishes things around the house. When I get a chance, I will take a picture of the carnage!

JR Got a Yard of Beef Over HisYard of Beef!

2006-12-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

My mom was Jewish. Not a practicing Jew...but Jewish by heritage. That in turn made my sister and I Jewish. We started celebrating Chanukah about 10 years ago. Sarah and I learned some of the prayers and we light the candles and enjoy having a small part of my mom around every holiday season. With that said...

JR's ship came home one day early and I am super duper excited to have him back. We had a lot of catching up to do since he had missed the first 6 nights. Tonight, we all sat down to exchange the gifts and I have to say...I know my boy!

He received a new book, two new movies, a book light, a new CD, gelt...and a Yard of Beef. He could have cared less about the other stuff. My husband is addicted to long, thick sausages. He jumped up and went to cut it open. Just before, however, he did make us proud and did the Happy Gilmore with it.

Note to self: Christmas of 2007, try to find a meter of beef!

T Minus 14 hours and Counting...

2006-12-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

For those of you that care...my sister will be landing in San Diego in 14 hours. I swear I could not be more excited! I have an entire closet full of shit that needs to be wrapped and my best little elf is about to arrive. Oh the things that I need to do before she arrives:

*Clean up the guest room
*Dismantle the "Sex Dungeon" currently in the guest room
*Dust and vaccuum
*Hide the crack
*Clean sheets on the bed
*Bury the bodies
*Scrub the bathroom
*Breakdown bathroom meth lab
*Wrap Sarah's presents
*Return the "I Love George W. Bush" poster I originally bought for Sarah for Christmas
*Wash the dishes

and last but not least...

Cut the tree in the front yard so that it looks like a giant middle finger for all my neighbors!

Got to run...lots to do!

The boss is drunk...

2006-12-19T10:08:00.000-08:00

My office holiday party was last night. On a Monday? Hell yes on a Monday...we don't have to be in until noon on Tuesday and I am all about that.

So, I am the one who bought all of the booze (being reimbursed of course) for the party and I happen to know that there was a lot of booze there. When I started to make my exit at about midnight...I noticed that only about 1/8 of the booze was left. We all had some beers, a few cocktails, a sip or two of wine and a champagne toast.

MY BOSS GOT HAMMERED!

Now, I'm not talking "had a nice buzz going". Or even slurring a word or two. I mean stumbling over carpet lint, eyes half closed, words all jumbled, hugging on whoever was closest every two minutes ass crazy hammered. It was awesome.

Oh the walk of shame she will have to endure as she opens up Suite 100's door this afternoon!

Pet Peeves...

2006-12-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

I love when people start their sentences out with..."you know what really bugs me..." or "One of my biggest pet peeves is..." I love to know what pisses people off and most of the time they make me laugh. In fact, one of the guys that I work with hates red heads who wear green so much that he started a new website call www.weargreenseered.com. It should be pretty entertaining so check it occasionally.

Well, tonight I was checking my e-mail and came across something that is a really big pet peeve of mine. I thought I would share...

Why is it that someone will receive an e-mail, decide to forward it on, and never check who it was sent to in the first place? If they are just speedy enough and I don't check my e-mail 50 times a day...I could actually end up getting an identical e-mail from two different people. Why must I delete both copies? Why can't you check who it was originally sent to (Aunty Linda) and not send it to me a second time (JR's mom)?

A little food for thought...what's your pet peeve?

Oh the Holidays...

2006-12-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

MIA...I know. I have been just awful about writing this year and I think it may have been one of my resolutions. Oh well...to go 0for 7 on resolutions doesn't really make you a loser...does it? This year has been such a blur and yet crawled by so slowly at the same time. Just to get you up to speed:

Beth had Ali
Saw Sarah graduate
Sarah is now engaged (about damn time Josue)
Tried IVF...failed miserably
Trying again in early 2007
Got pooped on by a pigeon
Saw the Padres blow it in the Post season again
My best friend, Kelly, had a little boy named Ryan
My friend, Ryan, had a little boy named Caleb
Coordinated quite a few weddings this year
JR re-enlisted
Had laryngitis

All the things that TG chewed/ate in 2006:

*Woke up this morning to find that TG had chewed up my Econ notebook...considering I only have one more week of class and I can use my notes on my final...I thought I might kill her.
*McDonalds nuggets (6), french fries (Large), a ketchup packet and a honey mustard pack
*Countless magazines
*1 Inhaler
*1 Bottle of Lotion
*1 Bean and Cheese burrito from Del Taco (w/ green sauce)
*1 brand new pair of sunlgasses...had not even taken the tags off yet. She did though!
*1 Dog bed
*1 Nascar book
*4 movies
*2 XBox games

This pretty much sums up my year. I am not promising anything...but I really have missed the blog scene and will try to be better. Will that suffice?

Peace!

I'm back!

2006-01-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been awhile! Things around have sure picked up over the last 8 weeks. We had my sister in town for the Christmas holiday...JR's parents were in town for a little over a week...Beth's baby shower...JR's surgery...I think I am ready for a nap! Our holidays were wonderful - so wonderful that thus far I have refused to take my Christmas lights down. Yes, we are the neighbors (the only neighbors) that will be leaving our lights up the entire month of January! Get over it...you don't pay my electric bill! I am truly looking forward to an awesome 2006 and one of my resolutions was to blog more. Here are some of my other resolutions:

I resolved...

1. To be better about keeping in touch with some important people in my life.
2. To swear less...but who the shit ass fuck am I kidding??? It doesn't really count if you type it, right?
3. To not be sick the entire year of 2006 - unless I get pregnant.
4. To get pregnant...is it right to make this a resolution? Can you really "resolve" such a thing?
5. To read more - I really miss those Garfield comic books!
6. To see my sister walk in her graduation from AIC - I suppose this isn't really my resolution but rather a large hint at Sarah that to not walk is not an option!
7. To get both business up and running and generating cash flow so that I have the freedom to do whatever I want...and to buy/drive a Mini Cooper! Fat woman in a little car!
8. To lose another 50 pounds or so - I have already lost a bet with JR for this month...so I have to put out! I will not let that happen again, dammit!

I am sure that there will be other resolutions. You can't come up with all of the resolutions you are not going to achieve in just one day...this is a month long process! Hope your first few weeks have been awesome (minus all you sick people - your lives have pretty much sucked) and I look forward to seeing what 2006 has in store for each of you!

Adios mi amigos!

Naomi

Gatherings

2005-11-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well ladies and gents...I figure if I can start one business...why not start a second. So, I present to you my event coordinating endeavors...Gatherings. The e-mail address is: gatheringsbynaomi@yahoo.com and the website will be: gatheringscoordination.com. My uncle Josh is currently working on designs for both logos...website URL's have been purchased...and licensing and permits are being filed. It's very exciting and very overwhelming all at the same time! JR is a little skeptical...he likes the guaranteed money that my 9-5er brings...every other Friday! I keep promising him that I will not leave my job until one or both of these businesses is completely up and running and making money consistently. You know JR though...a bit on the prudish side when it comes to our funds! So, the hope is that when we have visitors this holiday season...I will have some awesome websites already up and running, products selling and events to plan. Wish me luck!!!

I am the proud owner of a new website!!!

2005-10-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I have decided to start my own business...well, this week was a landmark. I have chosen a name!!! Joy's Teaspoon! Already bought the domain name: www.joysteaspoon.com and registered an e-mail address: joysteaspoon@yahoo.com.

Licensing, health permits, inventory and packaging are next! No pressure!!

Let me know what you think!!

Damn it...I wanted to be in Lambda Lambda Lambda...wrong movie!

2005-10-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

Hufflepuff!
The Sorting Hat has spoken! You've got 75 House Points!

Head of House: Professor Sprout

House Colors: Yellow and Black

House Animal: The Badger

Hufflepuff chose the students everyone else didnt want. Or those who didn't fit too easily into any category. Those who were cunning, but not ambitious. Those who were hardworking, though perhaps not TOO brave. Good people none the less. You are most likely the friend everyone would like to have, loyal, trustworthy, hardworking. Love sports too! You are cool in my book. The majority of people will wind up right here with you, so chances are, you will make some great friends!

Some students of Hufflepuff include... Susan Bones, Justin Flinch-Fletchley, and Cedric Diggory.

I'm going to be an Entrepreneur...did I spell it correctly?

2005-10-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start my own business!!! How exciting!!! I am actually on a deadline as well and I have a Tea Party Bridal Shower that I am going to help a family friend put together in April and I am responsible for the most important part...the tea! So my shop is going to sell Tea and Spices...I am trying to come up with a very catchy name...so if you have some suggestions, please do comment! My plan is to start on the web and doing in home demos (kind of like Pampered Chef)...and then when we are financially capable...I will open an actual shop. I've been looking at a few locations byut it's hard to say what I will be able to do at this point. Kind of depends on how everything goes!

My goal in the next couple of months is to get my business license, Resellers permit, and Health Inspection...and my Cosmetology license (just wanted to slip that in to shake things up!). I have to find vendors, put together the packaging and pricing (I will be needing some assistance with the famed Beadazzler for this!), get my marketing stuff working, design a website and, most importantly, decide what my title will be! I am so title driven...I am thinking "Tea Bag Goddess" might look nice on a name tag! HA! (Thought you might giggle Josue.)

Any comments you would like to sling my way at this point? I can take it...

Happy Sipping!

Naomi

CopyCat

2005-10-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

I have noticed this little quizzy dealy on so many other blogs...I decided to do this one as well. I'm secure enough in my blogging that I don't really care if people are tired of reading this!

7 Things to do before I die:

1. Go to Ireland/Scotland.
2. Have a baby. (or adopt...depends on how desperate we get!)
3. Own my own business.
4. Run in a triathlon. (big one or little one...but just to accomplish it)
5. Attend a World Series game (preferably with the Padres in it), a Super Bowl (preferably the Chargers or Redskins), a Stanley Cup Final (Mighty Ducks baby!) and a World Cup game (although Europeans are crazy about football and people always die...so it makes me nervous!).
6. Go on a kayak safari...maybe from San Diego...down the coast of Baja into the Gulf of Mexico and back. (Of course, not to be done during hurricane season!)
7. Go to Fiji.

7 Things I can do:

1. Play volleyball.
2. Sign Language.
3. Sing (in the shower, in my car...at a karaoke bar!)
4. Write...I love to write kids stories about everyday objects (pencils, cans of soup, cars)
5. Say "Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious" backwards.
6. I can pat my head and turn my hand in a circle on my tummy at the same time.
7. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.

7 Things I can't do:

1. Gymnastics ( I think I may be the most inflexible person in the world!)
2. Anything artistic (draw, paint, write music)
3. Anything that requires beads, sequins, craft glue, raffia, styrofoam and a Beadazzler!
4. Eat sushi.
5. I usually cannot reach the top shelf in the grocery store...I always have to ask for help if I need something from there.
6. Be patient with adults that don't take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
7. I can't use any of JR's tools in the garage...not that I physically can't do it...but JR has forbid me from breaking, I mean using, his tools!

7 Things that attract me to a man:

1. Eyes
2. Lips
3. Sense of humor
4. Ears (of course....I like this in a dog too!)
5. legs...especially the calf....grrrrrr
6. The way I fit when I hug him
7. His Homer Simpson slippers!

7 Things I say most often:

1. "Get the f**k out of my way" - Usually said while caroling for the holidays at the old folks home...or driving in San Diego rush hour!
2. "San Diego Super Chargers...San Diego Chargers" (last section sung really high pitched)
3. "Go Padres", "I can't believe he missed that ball", "I can't believe he struck out with the bases loaded", "I can't believe the Padres actually won the 2005 Western Division Championship", "I can't believe the Padres got swept by the Cardinals"...these statements all really blur into one!
4. "You're not the boss of me"
5. "Roscoe...get TG's head out of your mouth!"
6. "My middle name is Careful"
7. "Dammit...I hate stupid people!!!"

7 Celebrity Crushes:

1. Matthew McConaughey
2. Matt Damon (his little buddy Ben irritates the piss out of me!)
3. The Rock
4. Scott Caan (Tweeter from Varsity Blues - naked with a cowboy hat...YUM!)
5. George Clooney
6. Jake Peavy (Padres)
7. Mark Sweeney (Padres)

Beth and Sarah...not as "Smart" as everyone thinks!

2005-10-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

So, I was catching up on some light blog reading this morning and as always...I took a gander at Sarah and Beth's blogs. Always good food for thought and quite honestly...I am quite surprised that there is anyone in this world that has not seen Wayne's World (see Bethiclaus' blog from 10/18/05). However, I have been doing a lot of thinking this morning...and I happen to think these two are morons. Now, I know...they are both in pursuit of their Masters degrees (something I don't have)...and they both achieved their Bachelor's degrees (something else I don't have)...and they are both very well spoken and versed in the classics (movies and books), philosophy, religion and politics and many other higher learning topics of discussion! They brag about themselves and their brilliance on their blogs everytime they post.

I would like for each of you to look back and see if they have ever posted about the time that they thought that the only way to keep the white wall of a tire from showing was by turning it inside out? Or, if they ever blogged about the time that the muffler fell off of Beth's car and what a great idea they thought it would be to have Sarah pick it up bare handed? Notice that no such stories exist on their sites? Coincidence? I think not!

My Life...Sudoku and Landfills

2005-10-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

Sudoku is taking over my life! My sister, Sarah, came home a few weeks back and introduced me to the world of Sudoku puzzles! I am hooked! I have found multiple websites and am now considering my first sudoku book purchase. I am very excited about such a thing. For some reason, finishing a puzzle gives me the same feeling of accomplishment that I can only imagine Albert Einstein had when completing the first A bomb! Really...that's all I can think of to compare it to.

In other news, JR and I knocked down that hideous shed that was in the back yard (also known as Debi's Room-JR's sister). We took two loads of crap to the dump yesterday and then stopped by my dads for some chit chat and coffee. My dad finally cut his hair!!! If I had had my digital camera, I would have taken a picture for you! It's not "super Navy short" by any means, but it's not "pass the dubbie long" now either! He told me he looks like Clinton now...of course, I mentioned Hillary and he seemed to be a little offended! Back to the shed, we still have another 3 loads or so to take to the dump. It's all wood, stucco, roofing tiles and the cinder block that is left from when we knocked down the wall. I can't wait for Bethiclaus and Andiclaus to see everything we have done...it's been so long since they were here. Sarah has kind of seen it in bits and pieces...but the whole thing will be different for them! We are going to be doing some landscaping in the near future...but it's too late in the year to put grass down...so it will still look like the Mojave for a few more months!

I'm off to load the monster truck with more crap from the backyard. If you haven't heard from me in a couple of days...assume that JR left me at the landfill! I have been doing an awful lot of complaining about the manual labor he is forcing me to do...and he's not so happy with me at the moment!

Schizzle my nixxle,

Naomi

An Excuse for my Absence

2005-10-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while. Get over yourselves! I am sure that there are many good reasons for that. None that come to the top of my head however. I do have to say...considering that I spend 8 hours a day on a computer at work...when I come home...I don't even go in the room that our computer lives in! It might lure me in with a "quick game of Mahjong"! It has powers you know! I've seen I, Robot!

For those of you that have not seen me in some time...I am now 30 pounds lighter! The diet is going well and I hit a self induced wall there for a bit...but I think we are on the right track again. It's really tough to eat right when you are attending weddings, rehearsal dinners and family lunches. At these times...I say to hell with the diet and bring on the white sauce at Miguel's!

Besides losing some of my ass...not much else has changed. Still working on the house, still have 3 crazy dogs...oh yeah...and my sister was here for 3 days and didn't mention me once on her crappy blog! Talked about my cousins, and drinking some beer, and her going on "My" diet...but not a thing about what an awesome experience it was to see me...or how much she misses me...or what a nice rack I have!!! Unforgivable (sung like Nat King Cole)!

Peace out to everyone but Sarah~

I must have peed it all off!

2005-08-11T06:46:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Just a little spot of good news! As some of you may know, JR and I started a new Live Lean Program (AKA: Diet) last Monday (8/1). Today is Day #11 and I am proud to say that I have already lost 10 pounds! How exciting is that? At this rate...I will be in a thong bikini in no time! Whew! Let the good times roll!

There are a few things that I do miss. For example, bread and cheese! However, once we are past the big initial 6 week portion of it (this may actually go longer depending on how much weight we lose), we can have those types of things occassionaly. It's amazing to me how good certain things taste without the salt and sodium that everything seems to come in nowadays. We eat a ton of fruits and vegetables...and JR gets a lot of meat to satiate his little carnivore cravings! I am most definitely the herbivore around these parts! The only sour note is that it has created a problem for me at work! I am supposed to drink water as if all of the world's water supply will dry up tomorrow and I must store it in my bladder for the rest of my life! I have to pee every five minutes!!! I have even asked the Receptionist at work to begin forwarding all of my calls to Stall #1 - 2nd Floor Ladies Room! If only thay had an internet connection in there ...I would be set! This is the same diet that JR's parents are on and they have lost a total of 70 pounds between the 2 of them...and they look awesome!

Next summer be prepared...I might be pale...but I will be half naked on the beach! Running up and down the sand in a red swim suit and flipping my hair like the opening credits of BayWatch! Don't roll your eyes Beth...I'll send you video footage!

Peace Out Homie G's!

10 Year Reunion - Am I Really That Old Already?

2005-08-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

So...I know it's been awhile...but this one is going to take up some room so get over yourselves! I went to my 10 year high school reunion on Saturday, August 6th...and my oh my how those 10 years did fly! I was really dreading it I have to admit. What with my crazy hair because of the humidity and the freshman 70 that I have seemed to have packed on...I was a little nervous as to how I might be received. It doesn't help that I was going with Kelly...one of my hot friends!

However, to my shock I actually enjoyed myself and I didn't even drink! The only part about the entire evening that seemed to make me laugh were those few people who really felt the need to "expand" on what they did for a living. They would try to give me some lone title...and I would basically call bullshit flag and ask them what some of their job responsibilities were and then glean what they really did from there. For example:

Naomi: What do you do for a living?
Old Classmate: I own my own company.
Naomi: What kind of business does your company dabble in?
Old Classmate: Exchanges
Naomi: Very interesting! Like the Stock Exchange? Financial services?
Old Classmate: No, bodily fluid exchange.
Naomi: AHHH, so you're a hooker. I didn't know they gave out Tax ID numbers for that!

All in all, I am glad that I went. I was able to reconnect with some people that I had lost touch with...and see what happened to the hot guys and girls of the Class of '95. Good news: Most of the hot chicks now have mullets and have gained a few pounds as well! Bad News: Most of the hot guys were still really freakin' hot. I guess in another 10 years, 1 or 2 of them will be bald and fat!

Chicago #2

2005-07-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

I know I have been home from my adventures in Chicago for 4 days now...but I didn't have an opportunity to blog about the rest of our adventures. So, I figured "Better late than Never"!

#1 - Sarah and I went to Millenium Park. Very cool and kind of odd looking. You will have to depend on Sarah to supply some of the pictures (her camera and all)! On our way out of the park and over to her school (Art Institute of Chicago), she took me through all of these wonderful gardens (where I began to sneeze my ass off). As we were walking under a tall tree, we heard this high pitched screaming...and a gigantic screaming "Banshee Bee" came flying right at us! Sarah and I (because we are so brave) took a few steps backwards and screamed back at it! Eventually, we snuck around the bee...and then Sarah had two mating butterflies fly right onto her forehead! Kind of grossed her out...but we won't get into the details!

#2 - We all knew that this would have to happen at some point with Sarah and I...but she took me to a museum! Can we say Snoreville! It actually turned out to be pretty interesting. We went to the Toulouse-Letrec exhibit which was awesome. I learned that Sarah is a huge museum snob and that you should never lean on the glass (museum security didn't seem to care but Sarah got pissed!). He died when he was only 36...but my goodness he painted a lot! Very cool and I highly recommend it to anyone going to Chicago between now and October. Then she took me into the regular museum and we saw Picasso, and Monet and all sorts of other famous dead guys (and Georgia O'Keefe). To be that close to the real deal...very awesome. After looking at the classics, Sarah took me into some of the more modern stuff. I believe she called this "throwing me in the deep end". After looking at a series of paintings by Monet where he painted the same hut in 8 different paintings and each one looked like a completely different time of day....then she has me look at a big black canvas with a red stripe down the left side. They just don't seem to compare! I believe my last words before we left the museum were "Art makes me feel dumb!".

#3 - After "Art made me feel dumb", we took an awesome cruise through the city and saw like 20 or 25 (well we saw more than that...but they talked about these specifically) of the buildings in Downtown. The docent (I was paying attention Sarah!) explained the interesting architectural points and gave us quite a bit of history on how Downtown Chicago came into being. I believe that she said Chicago actually means big smelly onion! Can't argue with that! It was one of the coolest things we did while I was there (and I mean that as both fun and temperature wise!)

#4 - Once the boat trip ended, we made our way to Michigan Avenue. Sarah said it was only a two block walk from Navy Pier to shop. 5 1/2 blocks later...we arrived. While on our trek...I was attacked by a little green fly that apparently thought I tasted pretty good. He kept biting my leg (4 times). Eventually, I got away from him....but I htink he showed up the next day in Forest Park outside of the funeral home. Anway...shoppping on Michigan Avenue - It's pretty cool! And...I just found out today that J Lo plans on opening her first state side boutique on State Street in September! I can't wait...I'm already looking at Southwest so that I can make the trip! After a spot of shopping, we headed into Oak Park and had some awesome Greek food!

All in all...my trip out there was awesome. We had ice cream everyday I was there! What a great city! Forget the art and the music and the atmosphere...they've got Brown Cow! I would like to take this time to thank Sarah and Audrea for showing me such a fabulous time while there and hopefully the next time we come out JR will be in tow!

Peace.

Chicago....#1

2005-07-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

So...Beth can quite her whining because here is the first entry of the Naomi and Sarah Adventures in Chicago!

#1 - Chicago is hot and sticky! For those of you who have never experienced it...imagine walking around...in 90 degree weather....with a cloud that only dumps water down your back and in your armpits....about every 10 feet. Then mix in the smell of feet...and you have a beautiful day in Chicago!

#2 - Weather aside...we are having a blast (sorry Beth...not to rub it in!). I got to see the new apartment this afternoon and it is way cute! Nice breeze and pretty wood floors...I can't wait to see it put together.

#3 - Sarah and I went to a tea tasting (Mrs. Nesbitt did not attend)! I am more determined now than ever to open a Tea and Spices type shop back home! How fun would that be! Our 5 minute tasting lasted about an hour and we tried 6 different teas. We learned how to properly taste the differences between them...and we learned about Chinese culture and social issues (who KNEW!). It was awesome!

#4 - I had my first taste of Chicago deep dish pizza! It was Canadian Bacon and Pineapple and oh so yummy! We had Brown Cow for the second night in a row and I am going for 4 straight nights before I head back to SoCal! I am sure that Sarah will not be too pleased with 4 nights in a row...but something tells me a little Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough will grease the wheels with her!

#5 - Probably the most important part of my day...I got the Harry Potter book! Don't worry Beth...as soon as I am done reading it I will send it out to you! HA!!!

That's it for now. Monday is the big fun day in Downtown and I can guarantee some mighty awesome pictures! We're going on a boat...so here's hoping that I don't fall in the Chicago River or do something dumb to cause it to sink!!

Holler to my peeps!

Warm Water for the Feet.....

2005-07-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

So the jacuzzi is hooked up, spewing bubbles and as Paris would say, "It's hot!" JR and I sat on the edge of our new deck this evening and put our feet in it. It was great! No electric shocks! I highly recommend that the next time you all come to visit...bring your suit! Unless we plan on drinking, then don't worry about it!

All in all, I'm exhausted and excited! Work has been crazy (sales close tomorrow and Big Boss Lady coming in from LA) and we have been working on the house. I am volunteering a lot of my "free time" to a non-profit that works with military families as well. Very gratifying...but I need a vacation!

Since I mentioned it....I'm going to ChiTown of Friday! Can't wait to see the Cubs and Brown Cow and Sears Tower....and Sarahbooboo too!! I am sure I will do something dumb while I am there...so stay tuned! It's about to get good! And Beth, I promise not to drunk blog!!! Maybe!

Peace out!

So right Beth!

2005-07-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

If, as you live your life, you find yourself mentally composing blog entries about it, post this exact same sentence in your weblog.

Two Posts in One Night...Say it Ain't So!

2005-07-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

You pestered me!

So, I need to learn the ins and outs of blogdom? Sarah and Bethiclaus...now that you have peeked my interests...you must show me how to add pictures and cool stuff. Call me! (Said like the stupid chicks in the movies!) Got any places where I can looksy?

On to bigger and better things! Home Depot! I love my husband more than life itself...but if I were to never go to another Home Depot in my lifetime...I think I would be just fine. To JR, the smell of wood is like a fond childhood memory of working side by side with his father and grandfather...proud of the product he bore with his own mighty hands. To me, the smell of wood can be likened to catching your nipple in the shower door! It means labor...and that is one thing I am just not good at. We built a 600 square foot deck this weekend off of the back of our house and I loathed every minute of it! It was hot (well, I might be a smidge dramatic here because I live in San Diego and I think it hit 75) and I thought my back was going to snap in half holding up my porky frame. After nailing my 600th nail and screwing my 700th screw...there was no pride in my "mighty hands"....in fact my hands were swollen, blistered...and pissed off at me!

So, he decided that we could take tonight off since we worked so hard over the weekend! So, I was thinking "Dude, that's sweet" (cause all of us Californians talk like that). Where do we end up? Freakin' Home Depot! UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! This time we needed something electrical for the spa! Now, I'm a big fan of spas...but I don't believe that you should gather all of your "electrical spa hooking up" knowledge from the internet. There are some things that you should just pay a professional for! Has he ever wired a spa (may I remind you this holds water!!!!)? Never. Does he have a plan? Of course, he got it off of the internet. So, when the Western States lose their power over this next weekend...you can blame it on him!

I think I am done for the moment! Nighty Night!

Turning 28....and Memo's mind is going!

2005-07-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

So....now Beth and Sarah can get off my back. I have finally had a free moment to jot down a story! As you all know...my birthday was this past Friday. As happens with many Californians, my Driver's License expired on that day. Did I take care of this weeks before my birthday! Of course not, that would have been the smart thing. So, on my lunch, on my birthday....I decide to head to the nearest DMV. After my 10 minute drive there, and waiting in line for another 15...I finally talk to the outer circle at the DMV! Let me replay the conversation for you:

DMV Lady (sounds and looks like the paperwork chick from Monsters Inc): "Next in line. How can I help you?"
Naomi: "Hi. I need to renew my Driver's License."
DMV Lady: "Can I see you Driver's License?"
Naomi: "Absolutely!" Hands over the license.
DMV Lady (Dramatic pause): "Honey, your license doesn't expire for another 2 years. Next in line!"
Naomi: "Well golly gee...I just drove off the farm and I reckon I forgot to look at the license before I decided that it was time to renew! I'm such a silly yokel!"

Man was I pissed....so I drove the additional 10 minutes back to my office...only to have missed almost my entire lunch break...so I had some Cheetos! How's that for a happy freakin' birthday!
As soon as I can figure out how to work the Power button on my monitor...I shall blog again later! Night to my peeps!

Howdy All!

2005-07-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

So, I finally caved and created a blog. Mostly because of my jealousy for Sarah and Beth...but also because I am turning 28 soon and this is a sad attempt to continue to feel like I am cool and hip! Hope you enjoy!