About 2 weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers. This angered the fat gods for the fat gods love fat people. And so, I had my first run in with the fat gods today and I think I lost miserably. I bought a new pair of pants at Target the other day. Now, I just admitted that I am a big girl so why would I lie about the size? However, I genuinely think they were sized incorrectly. They said size 18 but they fit like a 12 or 14 (Super tight...my fault since I never tried them on). However, I wore them with a cute sweater this morning and I figured that sitting in them on my to work would stretch them out a bit.
My office belongs to a couple of industry associations and we had a luncheon today that our entire office attended. As I was getting out of my car I heard a weird popping noise, like the sound of a zipper coming undone. I looked down and realized that it was not my zipper itself ripping, but the pants sewn onto the zipper. Holy crap...my pants were splitting at the front and I couldn't get them to stop. The entire seam ripped. I am about to walk into a room of 100 clients and fellow vendors and I have a giant gaping hole in my pants with my pink flower chonies just 'a shinin' through.
Quick on my feet. Quick on my feet. I coordinate weddings for the love of god...I can fix my pants. Thankfully, I have an emerency kit in my car for the events that I plan. I grabbed a hand full of safety pins and made a bee line for the bathroom. After a few pin pricks and some choice language, I was able to shore up my pantaloons and head out to my luncheon with a new found confidence. Little did I know that about 5 minutes after sitting down to listen to the speaker that one of the pins would come unhooked and poke me in the gut. At the end of the day, I couldn't wait to get home so that I could change into my comfy jeans and a long sleeve comfy shirt...all of which fit me just fine. The pants, they are sitting in my bathroom trash can. I am sure that they could be fixed...but I could never trust a pair of pants that left me hangin!
9 comments:
At least you don't have a dong that would have flopped out!
That is totally sucky dude!
I had a similar experience at Senior Prom. I had this really cute dress that had a see-thru rhinestone bare middle line up to the cleavage (sounds slutty when I put it that way, but it was slightly tasteful), and when I sat down, of course not girly like, the middle ripped and I almost gave a free show the everyone and their dates! It was okay because I safety pinned it too! Shit sucks!
I would like to see our bloomers anyday, especially if you rock the granny panties in floral print.
The secret is to not wear underwear and go commando, that way you don't have to be aggrivated by the lack of cute crotch pattern selection!
your bloomers!
Who said I was wearing granny panties?
I thought only I rocked the grannies regularly. I just like my toosh to feel some protection from the elements.
Hopefully your quick thinking has scared away the fat gods for a while.
Does "chonies" mean butt floss???
Your Spanish is so good you could live in Minnesota!
The only Spanish I know is what Sarah has taught me...pretty sure its all naughty things though! I may one day get my ass kicked for repeating them!
You can come eat with me anytime!
So resourceful. I also get winded walking up the stairs. Are you saying I should be dieting? I betg people would have loved you just the same (if not more) had you come in with your crotch out.
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