12.30.2006

Well Played Oh Wealthy Ones!

I love the weather in San Diego...as do the five bazillion tourists who visit my fine city annually. In my travails today, I tripped across something that I had never taken notice of beofre. People who have lots of money, or want you to think they have lots of money, kind of dress like shit. It looked like they were all trying to hide the fact that they are loaded by dressing like hobos. Problem: Staying at The Del and arriving in a Mercedes blows your cover oh master of the masquerade!

I helped a friend of mine today coordinate a wedding at what is probably San Diego's most well known, and swankiest, hotels. It is expensive to stay there, historic and cool looking and just in my few hours there I saw Bentleys, Benzes, Beamers, Porsches, Hummers and countless chauffered town cars and limos. Not too shabby.

So explain to me this, why was everyone dressed like a bunch of assholes? When did leg warmers come back into style? How about gold lame fabrics that just look like gold foil? Did I miss the memo that stated rolling out of bed and not brushing your hair was chic? What the hell is the attraction with stirrup pants? 4 size too large sweaters? Dresses worn with pants? Fake CZ jewelry from HSN or QVC trying to pass for the real deal? Tight ass fitted jeans? I could go on and on...

I read Cosmo and Readers Digest...I know what looks good. I may not emulate it...but I self parked my 2003 Saturn today and I wore my favorite Target shoes with a pair of Kohls pants. This was a deplorable array of fashion that was forced upon my retinas and I am truly disgusted. I think maybe in 2007, I will start lobbying for a fashion policing organization that forces the wealthy to stop shopping at trendy little boutiques where the employees are paid on commission and insist everything you try on looks "absolutely hot on you" and instead force Nordstroms, Nine West and Ann Taylor down their throats until they cry out for mercy and promise to burn all of their over priced, made to look like trailer trash without the smell of trailer trash, grungy duds. Who's with me?

12.28.2006

Things to not say when your in-laws are in town...

Let me set the scene for you...

My sister-in-laws (hereon referred to as SIL) birthday was December 21st. My husbands parents came into town for the holiday and we all decided to go to a fun seafood place here in San Diego. In celebration of said birthday, I bought 3 rounds of Scooby Snacks for my SIL, Sarah (sister) and myself. Tasty little treats!

So, the fam eats a fine meal and begins to depart towards the front door. Oddly enough, I was feeling a nice little buzz going and found the crocodile head sticking out of the wall by the front door entertaining (his mouth was holding mint candies I might add). His head reminded me of Peter Pan (you know the story...the crocodile who got Hooks hand).

Insert gratuitous Peter Pan photo here:







Oh dear Mother of Mary and all that is right and holy....






Back on topic! I had just finished telling Sarah that in mid-conversation with my FIL (you figure that one out), I had almost said the word "cock". Don't ask me what the conversation was cause I have been wracking my brain all morning and can't remember.

Me: "Sarah, I almost said cock." Giggle giggle.

Sarah: "Don't say cock."

Within the instant that these words were spoken from her mouth, I turned and saw my MIL reaching into the crocodile mouth to get a piece of candy. Without being able to stop myself I yelled:

"Tick Cock"

If you know the story of Peter Pan, you know that the crocodile had sounded like a clock anytime he came near. How clever was I to blurt out something so hilar...All time stood still and a moment of clarity overcame my right mind. For that one instance, I wondered if anyone had heard me. Then I looked at Sarah and knew instantly that I had been heard as if I was the only voice in the entire County of San Diego as the people awaited in anticipation my grand announcement of free Carne Asade Nachos for all!

Oh if I could have just gotten Happy Gilmore stuck in my head instead of Peter Pan...this could have all been avoided.

12.25.2006

Merry Christmas!

Or as I would like to now call it...Travesty 2006!

Every year I worry about the fact that there are not enough gifts under the tree for my sister. And every year my sister is as happy as can be about the gifts she gets. While she is not all wrapped up in the quantity thing...I am superficial and very worried about it.

For Christmas 2006, I got her a Calder calendar, tickets to "The Color Purple" in Chicago and a set of monkey sheets. And one kick ass stocking full of goodies!

In detail, here is why Sarah did nor did not get all of the things on this list:

The Calder Calendar: Ordered 12/5/06 from Calendars.com (they are now dead to me) and as of 12/23/06...still not arrived. They will be getting another phone call on Tuesday! So, instead Sarah got my annual USAA boat calendar that my insurance company sends with an IOU on it.

Monkey Sheets: So, my husband and I found some really cute monkey sheets at Target and decided to purchase them for one Sarahbooboo...over a month ago. Upon wrapping them last night I discovered, they are the wrong size and not monkeys! What the hell??? She got clouds instead and faked happiness over them so I appreciated that.

Tickets: So, I decided to print the tickets off last night while wrapping Sarah's other pitiful gifts (see Calendar and Sheets above). I ordered them through Ticketmaster and had them e-mailed to me. Wouldn't you know it...our internet went out last night. After a few moments of panic and tears, JR figured out a way to get my tickets without me having to call my dad at midnight and have him print them. Wouldn't that have been a fun phone call since he swears "I live my life on E!"

Because I felt like Christmas for Sarah had fallen apart, JR turned her a pencil and pen set at 12:30 this morning and I made her a wedding planner. Just to top it all off, I gave her a set of chopsticks for her hair...chopsticks I bought in San Fran 2 months ago for my hair! HA!


Let's just say that she had better bring an extra suitcase to San Diego next year...cause I'm filling that bitch up!

Merry Christmas!

12.23.2006

TG's Diet

Brainstorm! For your reading pleasure, I have decided to start a running list of all of the things that TG has eaten. I started a sidebar and I will continue to add little notes as she demolishes things around the house. When I get a chance, I will take a picture of the carnage!

12.21.2006

JR Got a Yard of Beef Over HisYard of Beef!

My mom was Jewish. Not a practicing Jew...but Jewish by heritage. That in turn made my sister and I Jewish. We started celebrating Chanukah about 10 years ago. Sarah and I learned some of the prayers and we light the candles and enjoy having a small part of my mom around every holiday season. With that said...

JR's ship came home one day early and I am super duper excited to have him back. We had a lot of catching up to do since he had missed the first 6 nights. Tonight, we all sat down to exchange the gifts and I have to say...I know my boy!

He received a new book, two new movies, a book light, a new CD, gelt...and a Yard of Beef. He could have cared less about the other stuff. My husband is addicted to long, thick sausages. He jumped up and went to cut it open. Just before, however, he did make us proud and did the Happy Gilmore with it.

Note to self: Christmas of 2007, try to find a meter of beef!

12.19.2006

T Minus 14 hours and Counting...

For those of you that care...my sister will be landing in San Diego in 14 hours. I swear I could not be more excited! I have an entire closet full of shit that needs to be wrapped and my best little elf is about to arrive. Oh the things that I need to do before she arrives:

*Clean up the guest room
*Dismantle the "Sex Dungeon" currently in the guest room
*Dust and vaccuum
*Hide the crack
*Clean sheets on the bed
*Bury the bodies
*Scrub the bathroom
*Breakdown bathroom meth lab
*Wrap Sarah's presents
*Return the "I Love George W. Bush" poster I originally bought for Sarah for Christmas
*Wash the dishes

and last but not least...

Cut the tree in the front yard so that it looks like a giant middle finger for all my neighbors!

Got to run...lots to do!

The boss is drunk...

My office holiday party was last night. On a Monday? Hell yes on a Monday...we don't have to be in until noon on Tuesday and I am all about that.

So, I am the one who bought all of the booze (being reimbursed of course) for the party and I happen to know that there was a lot of booze there. When I started to make my exit at about midnight...I noticed that only about 1/8 of the booze was left. We all had some beers, a few cocktails, a sip or two of wine and a champagne toast.

MY BOSS GOT HAMMERED!

Now, I'm not talking "had a nice buzz going". Or even slurring a word or two. I mean stumbling over carpet lint, eyes half closed, words all jumbled, hugging on whoever was closest every two minutes ass crazy hammered. It was awesome.

Oh the walk of shame she will have to endure as she opens up Suite 100's door this afternoon!

12.14.2006

Pet Peeves...

I love when people start their sentences out with..."you know what really bugs me..." or "One of my biggest pet peeves is..." I love to know what pisses people off and most of the time they make me laugh. In fact, one of the guys that I work with hates red heads who wear green so much that he started a new website call www.weargreenseered.com. It should be pretty entertaining so check it occasionally.

Well, tonight I was checking my e-mail and came across something that is a really big pet peeve of mine. I thought I would share...

Why is it that someone will receive an e-mail, decide to forward it on, and never check who it was sent to in the first place? If they are just speedy enough and I don't check my e-mail 50 times a day...I could actually end up getting an identical e-mail from two different people. Why must I delete both copies? Why can't you check who it was originally sent to (Aunty Linda) and not send it to me a second time (JR's mom)?

A little food for thought...what's your pet peeve?

Oh the Holidays...

MIA...I know. I have been just awful about writing this year and I think it may have been one of my resolutions. Oh well...to go 0for 7 on resolutions doesn't really make you a loser...does it? This year has been such a blur and yet crawled by so slowly at the same time. Just to get you up to speed:

Beth had Ali
Saw Sarah graduate
Sarah is now engaged (about damn time Josue)
Tried IVF...failed miserably
Trying again in early 2007
Got pooped on by a pigeon
Saw the Padres blow it in the Post season again
My best friend, Kelly, had a little boy named Ryan
My friend, Ryan, had a little boy named Caleb
Coordinated quite a few weddings this year
JR re-enlisted
Had laryngitis


All the things that TG chewed/ate in 2006:

*Woke up this morning to find that TG had chewed up my Econ notebook...considering I only have one more week of class and I can use my notes on my final...I thought I might kill her.
*McDonalds nuggets (6), french fries (Large), a ketchup packet and a honey mustard pack
*Countless magazines
*1 Inhaler
*1 Bottle of Lotion
*1 Bean and Cheese burrito from Del Taco (w/ green sauce)
*1 brand new pair of sunlgasses...had not even taken the tags off yet. She did though!
*1 Dog bed
*1 Nascar book
*4 movies
*2 XBox games


This pretty much sums up my year. I am not promising anything...but I really have missed the blog scene and will try to be better. Will that suffice?

Peace!